This is a guide for my family and friends about my life as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Cape Verde, Africa. I teach English as foreign language to high school students in Boa Vista, Cape Verde. Also as a disclaimer, the comments expressed here are solely of the author and do not represent the United States Peace Corps, the American Government, or any other governing body.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I sit here on a useless Monday afternoon. My eyes are tired and heavy from crying all day. I have lost my luggage for the second time in three weeks, and because I live in the most disorganized country in the world, they’re probably lost in the abyss of missing things. I have fought with airline workers on three islands and have managed to find the location of only one of the two bags I brought from London, England. It makes me think, once again, about my situation in life and the way my view changes with the surroundings I’m in. A week ago I was in a house of 15 people yet feeling liberated and free for the first time in a year. I came home to an empty apartment and a town of 2,000 people and I felt suffocated and compressed on my way to buy bread the next morning. And yet the camaraderie I felt at the music festival over the next few days could not have been matched anywhere else in the world. The people here, while so disorganized and at times backwards, can be so giving and sharing. Coming back from England has liberated me and yet confused me all at the same time. I felt relief coming back to my little apartment in my small town in the middle of nowhere and yet regret at leaving my family behind. I can see myself holing up here for the rest of my life hiding from the rest of the world and its complications, yet I can’t imagine not living the rest of my life in the United States. I feel comfortable with the people here but I ache for my family and friends I left behind. It’s been a year, and I have another year left here. I don’t know what that year will bring, and I want it to end yet am nervous for it’s culmination because then what? There are choices and decisions I dread making and a life I must choose for myself. I know I can’t have any help, nor can I please everyone with my choices. I feel torn, and I don’t like it. Being here makes me so happy and yet sick to my stomach. I miss so much from my previous life but life here is unparalleled. I know that I have done nothing but complain nearly the entire time I’ve served here, and I’m sure this blog will come as a slight shock to many of you. I’m just trying to convey a little of the confusion I’m feeling, though I’m sure I’m doing a miserable job. I guess my trip to England put my life here in perspective, one I wasn’t expecting to find.

The missing bag with all my clothes in it doesn’t help. The fact that I can’t just drive to the airport in Praia doesn’t help either. On a side note, I would like to thank all my little “bear” friends  for sending stuff with my family. I will send you a proper thank you I promise, when I don’t have 8 trillion things on my worried mind. But Derek, Stan, and Danielle, thank you so much for all you did. I really appreciated that stuff. Although, it’s all currently lost, let’s hope and pray that I will see that stuff (along with my clothes) again. I miss you guys.